it is fitting that my last day in the clinic would be the day that i was able to change gabby's dressings. in case you don't remember him, he is the 22 year old boy with sickle cell anemia whose massive necrotizing ulcers on his legs refuse to heal. he is the boy in the wheelchair that smiles and chats with everyone. he is also the boy whose shreaks you can hear from the pharmacy as his dressings get changed. he was the first case i had heard of when i came to mission of hope, my first encounter with the limitations of 5th world medicine. also, the first testament to the strength of haitians.
he is a daily face within the clinic...everyone knows his name and his story, the pain he has endured for the last 7 years. i had been working in triage all morning taking vitals when he came into the clinic to get his bandages changed. the nurse asked me if i wanted to change the dressings, and i agreed if it was okay with him. i watched as he peeled yesterday's bandages off his legs, the fine threading sticking to every bit of exposed pustulating tissue. the entire area was raw and just oozing with slimy orange gunk...the ulcers covered and entire half of his inner right calf and partway around his left ankle. i was so nervous to first touch his wounds...the area was just absolutely raw...as i cleaned out the gashes with something similar to hydrogen peroxide, the whole area sizzled as he recoiled in pain. i could feel my hands burning through the gauze and my gloves, i could not believe how incredibly hot the area became as i applied cleaner...it was like placing your hand on a stovetop. i don't know why this happens, maybe bc the infection was so bad, but it took me entirely by surprise that his body could produce so much heat...if i felt like my hands were burning, i can't even begin to imagine what he was feeling.
it was a strange feeling to be sitting there with my hands on his wounds and inflicting such severe pain. knowingly hurting him so badly that his entire body was contorting in agony. it was just like i had seen with the man with gas gangrene, only this time i was the torturer rather than the onlooker. by the time i finished and rewrapped both his legs, we were both sweating.
and then once again he was smiling. he made sure to let me know that he was okay...i think he may have felt just as bad for me as i had for him...actually, i think he was most worried that i felt bad for hurting him. he quickly resumed the carefree attitude that was so characteristic of him, but we both knew that that tiny window of agony was real and that the pain lingered. having those two moments immediately juxtaposed was dramatic to say the least. we've all experienced things gone wrong that have ruined our whole day, yet gabby had grown so accustomed to pain that it in no way was reflected in even the moments immediately following his treatments. there is no mistaking the sincerity of his smile. this boy possesses a level of strength that is rare to see in a lifetime.
the remainder of the day involved other odd jobs, nothing too exciting. we ate dinner at brad and vanessa's house, the owners of the mission. they are amazing people. they have a beautiful house on the side of a mountain with a breathtaking view. brad and vanessa, along w/ dr. cheryl and lawrence, are such an inspiration.
tomorrow the hope house kids have a field day, so i am in charge of a team and i think it will be really fun to run around and participate in some crazy events. i will try to take pictures! i have a twin shift again tonight at 2, so i should be getting to bed soon. i can't believe that i am leaving here in 3 days.
peace, bonswa.
he is a daily face within the clinic...everyone knows his name and his story, the pain he has endured for the last 7 years. i had been working in triage all morning taking vitals when he came into the clinic to get his bandages changed. the nurse asked me if i wanted to change the dressings, and i agreed if it was okay with him. i watched as he peeled yesterday's bandages off his legs, the fine threading sticking to every bit of exposed pustulating tissue. the entire area was raw and just oozing with slimy orange gunk...the ulcers covered and entire half of his inner right calf and partway around his left ankle. i was so nervous to first touch his wounds...the area was just absolutely raw...as i cleaned out the gashes with something similar to hydrogen peroxide, the whole area sizzled as he recoiled in pain. i could feel my hands burning through the gauze and my gloves, i could not believe how incredibly hot the area became as i applied cleaner...it was like placing your hand on a stovetop. i don't know why this happens, maybe bc the infection was so bad, but it took me entirely by surprise that his body could produce so much heat...if i felt like my hands were burning, i can't even begin to imagine what he was feeling.
it was a strange feeling to be sitting there with my hands on his wounds and inflicting such severe pain. knowingly hurting him so badly that his entire body was contorting in agony. it was just like i had seen with the man with gas gangrene, only this time i was the torturer rather than the onlooker. by the time i finished and rewrapped both his legs, we were both sweating.
and then once again he was smiling. he made sure to let me know that he was okay...i think he may have felt just as bad for me as i had for him...actually, i think he was most worried that i felt bad for hurting him. he quickly resumed the carefree attitude that was so characteristic of him, but we both knew that that tiny window of agony was real and that the pain lingered. having those two moments immediately juxtaposed was dramatic to say the least. we've all experienced things gone wrong that have ruined our whole day, yet gabby had grown so accustomed to pain that it in no way was reflected in even the moments immediately following his treatments. there is no mistaking the sincerity of his smile. this boy possesses a level of strength that is rare to see in a lifetime.
the remainder of the day involved other odd jobs, nothing too exciting. we ate dinner at brad and vanessa's house, the owners of the mission. they are amazing people. they have a beautiful house on the side of a mountain with a breathtaking view. brad and vanessa, along w/ dr. cheryl and lawrence, are such an inspiration.
tomorrow the hope house kids have a field day, so i am in charge of a team and i think it will be really fun to run around and participate in some crazy events. i will try to take pictures! i have a twin shift again tonight at 2, so i should be getting to bed soon. i can't believe that i am leaving here in 3 days.
peace, bonswa.
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